Remember to keep a cool head... or not?
We've all heard that we can be a little dumb when we're in love. We sometimes overlook signs of incompatibility that might arise into conflict later on, and only see what we want to see—our partner is perfect and they can do no wrong. This is known as confirmation bias, and this can show up quite often in the early stages of a relationship when novelty and excitement clouds judgment. It's not that we want to intentionally deceive ourselves, but we unconsciously do it as a way to protect ourselves and our beliefs that make up an integral part of our identities. Knowing that it exists can already make you more self-conscious of doing it. Maybe next time, don't ignore the rude remarks thrown at the waiter while only paying attention to the sweet talk your partner directs at you.
Attributional errors and biases can be a double-edged sword. When you have a positive view of your partner, every nice thing they do is attributed to their disposition—they're kind and thoughtful and oh so considerate as ever! When you have a negative view of your partner, even the nice things they do can be attributed to signs of guilt and infidelity. Or, they could be downgraded to situational causes. "My partner only cleaned up the house because they are inviting their friends over." It is important to always be aware of your biases when evaluating situations, and try to never jump to conclusions too soon.
While it can be harmful to put your partner on a pedestal, positive illusions, aka seeing your partner through rose-colored lens, can actually create stronger romantic bonds. Normally, we have positive illusions about ourselves. It might sound off, but it is a fact of life that most well-adjusted people tend to have slightly unrealistic views about themselves. It is important that we extend this to our romantic partner and include them into the positive illusion that "I'm above average and so is my partner." This is crucial in maintaining the relationship, because why else would you choose your partner over everyone else?
Blogger's Playlist
- castle in the sky by eaJ
- Too Good by Christian Kuria
- ONE IN A MILLION by Rex Orange County
Chapters covered:
- Chapter 4 (confirmation bias, attributional errors/biases)
- Chapter 9 (positive illusions)