Dating 101 — Applying Social Psychology Concepts to Attracting Partners, Navigating First Dates, and Maintaining Relationships

First dates and how to make them last

First impression, first conversation, first touch... there's a lot of first's to worry about on a first date. But really, it doesn't have to be that overwhelming if you know exactly where and how you should be exerting your energy and focus.

Let's begin with the small things you can do. Research has shown that mimicking motor movements of people can cause them to like you more. This is because automatic mimicry serves as preparation for social interaction and signals that you are open to affiliation with others. So, start with something small: when your date smiles at you, smile back. It's that easy.

Next, you should know about primacy effect—the disproportionate influence on judgment by information presented first—and recency effect—the disproportionate influence on judgment by information presented last. In other words, your date is most likely going to remember the start and end of the date most strongly. To translate that into actionable steps:

  1. give them a small gift or bouquet of flowers when you first meet up with them
  2. give them a parting hug (or even kiss!) when the date ends

Perhaps even more important than the beginning and end of the date: the peak moment. It is the most emotionally intense (hopefully pleasurable) moment that will dominate recollections of the event in the future. If you go hiking with your date, reaching the top and seeing the beautiful scenery will be better remembered than the arduous hike up (this is not to say that you should take your date hiking for the first date—it could very well be the last if they are not an outdoors person AT ALL). However, if during the hike down it suddenly starts pouring cats and dogs and the both of you had to book it to the car... that might unfortunately become the "peak moment" instead. So, be wise and intentional about the defining peak moment. There is also the phenomenon of duration neglect, in which the length of an emotional experience is relatively unimportant in retrospective assessments of the overall experience. What this means is that instead of focusing on making the date a 10-hour long itinerary of activity after activity, focus on 2-3 activities that would leave a lasting impression due to how pleasurable they were.

Now, for the secret weapon that I have withheld from you because I needed to make sure that you were trustworthy first. With great power comes great responsibility (as my professor likes to say), use this tidbit of information on misattribution of arousal wisely. Studies have shown that there are higher levels of crime in the summer months, and a proposed explanation is that individuals misattribute their arousal from the heat to others in their presence. Instead of recognizing that they are irritated by the heat, they unconsciously unleash anger and aggression onto innocent bystanders. This can applied in the context of attraction, as famously demonstrated by the suspension bridge experiment. In order to manipulate your date into thinking that they have fallen in love with you, invite them to activities that would elevate their heart rate and cause them to misattribute it to attraction. My personal suggestions? Go skydiving! Or, you can be lame and go ride rollercoasters, up to you.

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