Dating 101 — Applying Social Psychology Concepts to Attracting Partners, Navigating First Dates, and Maintaining Relationships

Before we begin, decide if romantic relationships are right for you

Hey singles!

Before beginning your search, you must figure out why exactly you might want a relationship to begin with!

Humans have evolved for group living for survival purposes including but not limited to enhanced protection from predators, improved foraging efficiency, and shared child-rearing. comic 3

This has fostered the development of our need to belong, an innate drive that motivates us to seek out social interactions. If we're not internally motivated to participate in a group, we are at a survival disadvantage.

This is also why, social rejection is experienced similarly to physical pain—the same brain regions are activated in both.

Close relationships can be explained by multiple relationship theories, mainly:

  1. Attachment Theory — describes how humans form emotional bonds with important individuals starting from childhood to deal with stress, fear, and uncertainty—forming distinct patterns of emotional bonding that will influence how they navigate adult relationships; these patterns dictate how individuals experience trust, fear of rejection, intimacy, and independence in relationships
  2. Interdependence Theory — causes (situational and dispositional factors, perception) and consequences of relationship interactions
  3. Self-Expansion — humans have a fundamental need and motivation to expand their sense of self by growing and increasing knowledge and competencies, and relationships are a way to do that because we can incorporate a partner’s knowledge, perspectives, and resources into our own identity
  4. Triangular Theory of Love – love is composed of three interconnected components: intimacy (closeness/bonding), passion (attraction/romance), and commitment (decision to stay together)

Aside from practical reasons, relationships also contribute to our self-esteem according to the sociometer hypothesis—the assertion that self-esteem is an internal, subjective index or marker of the extent to which a person is included or looked on favorably by others. Building relationships, especially those of the romantic type, are a form of self-enhancement that contributes to our sociometers.

You Need to Look Into This

Have you heard about the terror management theory? If you haven't yet, you need to check out this batshit crazy theory came up with very interesting individuals, to say the least. In simple words, it posits that human behavior is largely driven by the fear of death, which is managed by maintaining high self-esteem and adhering to cultural worldviews that provide meaning and a sense of immortality. And apparently close relationships are a way to combat death-related anxiety!

Blogger's Personal Take

For me, I've narrowed down my pursuit of romantic relationship to be driven by a combination of a need to belong and be understood and a distraction from working on myself. After having two unsuccessful crushes on two individuals that are still very much good friends, and learning a lot about myself through those experiences, I have reached the conclusion that I'm not ready to be in a relationship until I've truly figured out who I am and what I want in life. However, knowing what's right for me wouldn't stop me from falling in love with the next person regardless.

Blogger's List

I've compiled a list of TedTalks about singleness. Watch through them to determine if any of it resonates with you, and reflect on what the next best step to move forward with is.

Chapters covered: