Dating 101 — Applying Social Psychology Concepts to Attracting Partners, Navigating First Dates, and Maintaining Relationships

BEWARE! Approach at your own risk...

For the ladies out there, dating can be a scary endeavor. How many stories have you heard of your friends rejecting advances from men and having it spiral out of control? This can be explained by the Precarious Manhood Hypothesis, which is the idea that a man's identity of strength and toughness is more easily lost in competition, and that such a loss can trigger aggressive behavior. A rejection from a woman is perceived as a challenge to their gender identity as a man that's contingent on achievements and successes, and would trigger aggressive behavior as a result.

However, aggression is not exclusively used by women. Women typically engage in more relational/emotional aggression, which could show up as spreading rumors that damage reputation, silent treatment, and manipulation.

You might have heard about the “Dark Triad,” which refers to a trio of negative personality traits—narcissism, machiavellianism, and psychopathy—that correlate with one another. Another trait, sadism, has joined the fray and turned it into the "Dark Tetrad." From the evolutionary perspective, they have evolved in response to unpredictable or harsh environments to allow an individual to carry out a fast life strategy, which means prioritizing immediate rewards, rapid reproduction, and risk-taking over long-term planning. Now, they describe individuals who engage in impulsive and dangerous behaviors, sometimes even criminal. A famous example is Ted Bundy.

  1. Narcissism — excessive self-regard and heightened arrogance; believes in deserving of special treatment
  2. Machiavellianism — tendency to use manipulation to deceive and trick others into getting what they want
  3. Psychopathy — lack of empathy & remorse —> lack of regard for others and will not feel guilty about actions that harm others
  4. Sadism — derives pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on others —> cruel actions

In short, all human beings regardless of gender have the potential to be a-holes, and there are some crazy people out there, so be informed and careful when navigating dating!

Blogger's Words of Caution

Please do not diagnose anyone you know in real life with these traits. Many individuals will show subclinical symptoms, meaning milder versions of these traits. Social media has got everyone to start calling all individuals who engage in slightly rude behavior "narcissists," when they may just be slightly inconsiderate of others. dark tetrad

Blogger's Picks for Further Digging

Blogger's Friends on "Red Flags"

Survey question: "What is a 'red flag' that's the biggest deal breaker for you?"

Recurring responses:

Chapters covered: